I want to be a little crazy and do different things and live outside the box, but I’m supposed to be the “good kid.” My older sister has always been the one to screw up, and she was always the wild child, so by default, I need to be the one to do everything right and color inside the lines. I’m always terrified that I’m going to disappoint my mom more than I already do…I’m not a good enough student for her (even though I’m a senior in college with a 3.0 cumulative GPA), I’m not thin enough for her (even though I’m nearly 22 and weigh about 135), and I’m not a good enough sister for her (long story). I’m just so over everything. I want so badly to just get wild and crazy and act like a 21-year-old…I mean, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
I just need a break from this life for awhile.
Don’t get me wrong, I have great friends and a brand new beautiful niece that I just can’t wait to spend time with, but I’m so unhappy with where my life is at right now. My life is boring, monotonous, and so beyond predictable that it’s literally driving me insane. I just want to change everything. I need an entirely new perspective on life. I’m bored and sad and tired. I need something exciting to happen.
I just desperately need a change before I lose my marbles again…